The gaps between blog posts seem to be getting longer and longer, but I guess that is a good thing. I find that I don't have much to say about depression or anxiety at the moment. The depression side of my illness has all but disappeared I am glad to say. I don't dwell on the past anymore, I seem to have accepted that the mistakes I have made happened and there is nothing I can do about them anymore, so what is the point in the worrying about them?
As for anxiety, well, that is a different matter. I definitely struggle with this still. I have recently started a new temporary job with the Civil Aviation Authority which was due to last for a month but now looks like taking me through to September, which is fantastic. The work is pretty boring, but that's what I was after, really. No pressure. I still feel anxious sometimes though, what will people think of me, what if I do something wrong, something stupid? The difference between now and a few months ago is I am definitely more aware of these feelings of anxiety and am able to 'catch them' and explore the reasons behind them. If I can control the thing that is causing me anxiety, then I can do something about it. If I can do something about it, then the next step is to see whether or not I am prepared to do something about it. If so, great. If not, then I know I need to stop worrying about it.
I am constantly talking to myself (not out loud, that would be odd), reminding myself of the correct way to think. I have placed a number of inspiring quotes above my desk at work and use take time to stop and read these when I am feeling anxious, upset or angry.
My favourite quote is from Eminem:
Whatever you are going through, it could always be worse,
don't make the mistake of mistaking your blessing for a curse
Being aware of your feelings is the key, once you are aware you can act.
