My therapist has asked me to note down two positives from each day as part of my recovery. The idea is to train my brain to notice the positives first, as opposed to the negatives which I currently do. So with that in mind I thought I would reflect on the year gone by and think about the positives that have come from it.
The
outstanding positive of the past year was completing the London to Paris bike
ride in September. I had eagerly signed up to the event when announced by my
then employers Total Gas and Power in April. I needed to get fit and more
importantly, I needed motivation. Agreeing to ride 240 miles in exchange for
people donating their hard-earned money is motivation indeed.
In an
uncharacteristic fit of proactiveness I went out and bought a new road bike and
plucked up the courage to join the local cycling club. I cycled most weekends
and then over three days in September I managed to cycle from Redhill in Surrey
to Paris. Approximately 240 miles in 3 days, in abysmal conditions and while
fighting constant punctures and minor crashes as well as the human desire to
give up when the going got tough. I am extremely proud of the achievement and
the £682.50 I raised for the mental health charity, MIND.
I also met lots of new people through the cycling club, the Crawley Wheelers, which was great. It gave me something to do, and I am determined to get back out on my bike again in the New Year for that reason alone.
I did have a severe relapse in my depression half way through the
year, causing me to have time off work. A positive did come from this though,
in that I opened up about my illness to my employers’ and colleagues and this
has helped me work through things. The reaction from everyone was surprisingly good, I had been led to believe by the media and charities that I would be cast out like a witch or something! Unfortunately, some people do still react negatively towards depression, but I was lucky enough not to experience this (bar the odd exception, but I lost no sleep over them!).
Later in the year I got a part-time job at
ASDA so I could spend a few days a week working on my writing. I thought this would make me happier. But I didn't spend the time off writing, I spent it with Joey, Chandler, Ross, Pheobe, Monica and Rachel!! This caused me immense anxiety and led to a relapse in my depression as a result. I have now
sought help from a CBT therapist and am hopeful that I can work out my problems
in the coming months.
If I
can sum up the past 12 months then I guess I have to be proud that, although I
am still unwell, I have made huge strides towards beating my depression. Where a negative has occurred, I have managed to either find a positive or make strides towards doing so. At the
start of 2012 I was merely plodding along letting my problems boil just beneath
the surface. Now I have managed to open up, recognise that things must change,
and sought help to work things out. As a result, I have renewed hope and
optimism for 2013. Plus, all that bike riding lost me 2 stone. Get in!
Happy New Year everyone!!!
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