Challenges ahead

Since leaving my last job in November and seeking proper help for my problems with depression and anxiety I have begun to feel a lot better. Yes, there have been days when I have still felt low, sick and tired, but in the main I have felt happy and positive. I have socialised more, made positive decisions about the future based on what I actually want to do and so things are looking up.

There are challenges ahead though. I want to get back into employment as soon as I can. I am fed up of relying on handouts from my wonderful parents and benefits from the government. I am also getting a bit bored at home, daytime TV really is awful! So tomorrow, I am going to see a consultant at the Employment Support Retraining Agency (ESRA) in Redhill.
While I am confident that I could find a job on my own I would like to know if there are any companies that actively support people with mental health conditions or if there are particular jobs that suit people with such a condition. Unfortunately, I am not good under pressure. I don't deal with it very well but with a failing economy businesses are often expecting employees to work harder than is possible. This was certainly the case at Total Gas and Power where my workload was so heavy I couldn't see myself ever clearing it. Because of my lack of confidence, I blamed myself for this situation and heaped even more pressure upon my shoulders until I could no longer carry on. Although Total were supportive when I revealed my condition and the trouble I was having managing my workload, they didn't take any steps to decrease it. They just tried to help me deal with it differently, but this did not work.
At ASDA, there was also pressure. Working in a major supermarket in the lead up to Christmas = BUSY!! Although I hadn't been there long, they started leaving me on my own on the Music and Video department. While I probably should have seen this as a vote of confidence, my thoughts instead turned to 'how will I cope?', 'what happens if things go wrong?'. But, not wanting ASDA to know about my problems, I once again bottled it up until things finally came to a head and I broke down.

Hopefully I can find a place of work where I can learn to rebuild my confidence slowly but surely, and then maybe one day I can thrive in a pressurised environment. I guess we will just have to wait and see...

Educating Jason

Afternoon dear readers, hope you are well. This is my first post for a while as I have been trying to sort out my university application (which has now been postponed), then I got a little bit lazy and couldn't be bothered and when I finally did write a new post the other day, my internet crashed before I could upload it!!

So, anyway. How have you all been? Good, good. Me? Well, I have had to put uni off for another year as it turns out my A-Levels aren't good enough to do the course I want to. I had, mistakenly, thought that as a mature student the rules about qualifications were a lot more relaxed. I was wrong. I needed between 280 and 360 UCAS points (I have just 220) and at least a C in my chosen degree subject, history (I got a D at A Level and the same grade in my other subject, English). But, fear not, there is another option available and I shall instead attend college in September to study an Access to Higher Education Course in Humanities. This should prove excellent preparation for life at uni, so I am happy enough.

I have been feeling a lot more positive since the new year. The decision to return to education has given me a focus and the feeling that I still have the chance to end up in a job that I will enjoy, and that will fulfill me.
Over Christmas my mood dropped and I think this was a direct result of not going out as much. Since I started seeing my CBT therapist he has been stressing the importance of 'activity'. I have been attending my writing group on a Thursday night, which I really enjoy and also went to the monthly pub quiz with Redhill and Reigate Social group. I am also going to get back into cycling with the Crawley Wheelers as I need to exercise more regularly and eat better.

Anyway, that's enough from me for now.

Over and out, Jason

New Year Resolutions!

In 2013, I want to be able to build upon the achievements of the past year  and continue the progress that I have made in coping with my depression. I managed to lose 2 stone in weight in training for my ride to Paris but since finishing that at the end of September I have not done much in the way of exercise. The last thing I want is for all that weight to pile back on and waste all the good work I did. So, getting back into a regular routine of exercise is my first goal of the new year. More specifically: lose another 2 stone. If I managed it once I can manage it again. It may be that I need to sign up for another ‘challenge’ to motivate me though! If anyone has any ideas, let me know!!

I am of course out of work now, and once I feel well enough I will need to look at getting back into employment. I hope to work on this with my therapist in the new year and hopefully I will be able to get back to earning as soon as possible – I have to balance this with the fact that I cannot rush things, my health is more important than anything.

I also need to concentrate on my writing, but primarily as a hobby and not get too worked up about the possibility of earning money from it. It is something that I enjoy and something that I am good at. So I should do it as much as possible. I know I can dedicate more time to it. Playing less championship manager and watching less crap telly would help!

Last year taught me that a lot than change in 12 months, a lot can be achieved. If I can be healthier and happier this time next year, then I’ll be delighted. Things won’t be perfect in 12 months’ time but if I can look back and be proud of the effort I have put in, then that is all I can ask for.

I wish you all the best with your new year resolutions or any other goals you may have in progress already.

If you wish to share them, then please feel free to post on here and we can all keep each other going!

Happy 2013, Jason x